Relationships
Okay
So here I go...I thought I would never write about relationship's while I was in one.... but fuck it...yup..that's right fuck it.. I am so sick and tired of the same old shit over and over again.
So here's the truth.....
They can be good, and when they are good they can be amazing.....but when they suck ass, they can REALLY suck ass....I am only speaking from personal experience....So this is my own personal thoughts and feelings. Being with someone can take a toll on you as a person...now not always in a bad way...but it can. Sometimes it can make you feel as though you lose sight of who you are and what you are about. But it shouldn't. It can be hard, but try not to lose yourself completely to another person. Losing yourself with another person-well that's different.....you on some level merge together for some things and gain a closer relationship. That doesn't always happen though.....now you might be on the same page for some things but sometimes, the things that you need to be on the same page about, your not....and that's not a good thing. You need to be able to talk to each other.
Communication is another part of a relationship that can make or break it. I'm not talking about having length conversations while sitting on the couch drinking coffee....but just the way you talk to each other, if you are constantly putting each other down, or saying things that you know will hurt a person-that's not good. If you listen to how they feel, but as soon as you go to tell them, they don't care...they just look at you like what do you want from me. Even when you do manage to gain the courage to tell them how you feel...having them almost disregard it....really sucks too. You don't need to talk about your relationship everyday...if its really good relationship then you shouldn't have to talk about it everyday...actually, you shouldn't ever have to even talk about it at all...You just both get it, understand and work through it. Its when you try and try to work through things that can feel like its getting to be an old broken record, that just keeps spinning around and around.....That can make you feel crazy....and I mean crazy..
Respect...another one....look if you cant respect each other and try to give each other what you BOTH need and want out of a relationship...then...don't be with that person.....Relationships are a two-way street. you both have to work together to keep the relationship growing...it doesn't happen overnight it takes time....You also have to have patience with each other. As your relationship grows and slowly becomes something serious showing each other patience just by little things...like not flipping out when they ask you a simple yes or no response....omg....like flipping out over something major is one thing but a question that requires only a yes or no answer is not one to really flip over.
Time is what a relationship needs, you cant rush things....ohhh I just LOVE to here about rushing into a relationship.....lol...You cant sit there and tell me they never heard or even used that one before...I'm no saint....and I've said it before to someone..because at the time, it was feeling like some fatal attraction type shit....you know....and I felt suffocated....and closed off from everyone and everything and felt like I was going to lose my shit. After that relationship ended.... I realized that he was the problem, he had a very clingy and weird obsession with not only me but the idea of a relationship...he went off the deep end....and it got very scary for a little while...afraid to leave.. I was afraid of what he would do if I did.. now there wasn't physical abuse or anything like that.. but definitely some mental and emotional.... I vowed then and there that I was not going to have another like him...HA..I laugh at myself because of the really dumb choices I made...and looking back at them....YUP..I have EVERY right to laugh at myself. Its easy to laugh at yourself when you grow up a bit and look back on things. It can make you appreciate the person you are with.
Sometimes we do need to change ourselves, but it shouldn't be because they want you to change, it should be because you realize things and change them to better yourself, and if that means that when you do change the, you realize that you don't want to be with them....then don't be with them. Don't stay with someone because you fear being alone, or that you don't want to hurt them, but make a choice.
Lingering feelings of if it is even worth it.....ohhh man...those ones suck the most. Because you are then left questioning everything.....everything about them, about the relationship....and even everything about yourself...and I HATE when I am left questioning things about a relationship its never a good sign...but if you both can make the next day a good day...and keep doing the good stuff then it might be worth trying to fight for...but sometimes that fight dies out...that 'Yes I want this' feeling fades, and your left asking why am I here? Try this exercise..... The next time you feel like that look at your significant other if they give you that look.....the look that everything is okay and not worry....if you get that look...give it a little more time....if it gets worse in the next 24-48 hours...get out...
Make sure that if a break up is necessary that it doesn't come out in a fight...That it can come from a peaceful, adult type manner...no freaking out, no yelling, stay as calm as possible and just talk it through...Sometimes a break up is inevitable....but other times that might be the breaking point that fixes the relationship....
You never know what is in store for you. unless you try....
~M~
